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Obsessive Love: When It Hurts Too Much to Let Go, by Susan Forward, Craig Buck
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Is it impossible to let go — despite the pain?
• Do you yearn for someone who is not physically or emotionally available to you?
• Do you believe that if you love him enough he will have to love you?
• When you feel insecure, does it drive you only to want her more?
• Do you find yourself phoning repeatedly or waiting long hours for the phone to ring?
Do you wish someone would let go of you?
• Does an ex-lover or ex-spouse refuse to believe that it’s over?
• Do you receive unwanted phone calls, letters, presents, or visits?
• Is this pursuit of you creating so much anxiety that it affects your physical or emotional well-being?
In this invaluable self-help guide, Dr. Susan Forward presents vivid case histories as well as the real-life voices of men and women caught in the grip of obsessive passion.
Whether you’re an obsessive lover or the target of such an obsession, here is a proven, step-by-step program that shows you how to recognize the “connection compulsion,” what causes it, and how to break its hold on your life so that you can go on to build healthy, lasting, and pain-free relationships.
- Sales Rank: #384216 in Books
- Brand: Brand: Bantam
- Published on: 2002-01-02
- Released on: 2002-01-02
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.30" h x .60" w x 5.20" l, .52 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 278 pages
- Used Book in Good Condition
Review
“Riveting! Once again, Susan Forward has shone a light on relationships in her uniquely compassionate and dramatic way.”
— Dr. Barbara De Angelis, author of What Women Want Men to Know
Bantam Books by Susan Forward:
Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them:
When Loving Hurts and You Don’t Know Why
Obsessive Love:
When It Hurts Too Much to Let Go
Toxic Parents:
Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life
From the Publisher
In this invaluable self-help guide, Dr. Susan Forward presents vivid case histories as well as the real-life voices of men and women caught in the grip of obsessive passion. Whether you're an obsessive lover or the target of such an obsession, here is a proven, step-by-step program that shows you how to recognize the "connection compulsion," what causes it, and how to break its hold on your life so that you can go on to build healthy, lasting, and pain-free relationships.
From the Inside Flap
Is it impossible to let go -- despite the pain?
- Do you yearn for someone who is not physically or emotionally available to you?
- Do you believe that if you love him enough he will have to love you?
- When you feel insecure, does it drive you only to want her more?
- Do you find yourself phoning repeatedly or waiting long hours for the phone to ring?
Do you wish someone would let go of you?
- Does an ex-lover or ex-spouse refuse to believe that it's over?
- Do you receive unwanted phone calls, letters, presents, or visits?
- Is this pursuit of you creating so much anxiety that it affects your physical or emotional well-being?
In this invaluable self-help guide, Dr. Susan Forward presents vivid case histories as well as the real-life voices of men and women caught in the grip of obsessive passion.
Whether you're an obsessive lover or the target of such an obsession, here is a proven, step-by-step program that shows you how to recognize the "connection compulsion," what causes it, and how to break its hold on your life so that you can go on to build healthy, lasting, and pain-free relationships.
Most helpful customer reviews
129 of 131 people found the following review helpful.
Great study of a little-known disorder
By Mike Leone
I first picked up this book several years ago when I realized that I had some issues around being addicted to a person. I have found it very helpful because some of the stories themselves parallel my own issues, and also because it has helped me to recognize characteristics of the persons with whom I form such unhealthy attractions.
This very well written book explores the symptoms and results of being addicted to a person. Author Susan Forward's basic premise is that a person who tends to be relationally addicted will be drawn to somebody who, for various reasons, becomes for him or her their One Magic Person. Through this person, the addicted one relives certain negative childhood experiences, hoping to make them come out right this time.
In the majority of cases in the book, the addicted one eventually drives the other one away through their jealousy, possessiveness or what-have-you, and from that point the addict's focus switches to getting the other one back. This can take the form of unwanted visits, phone calls and gifts. In one of the sadder cases, the pursuer is reduced to sitting in a car outside the other one's house hoping for a glimpse of the beloved from time to time. Sometimes, the pursuer takes revenge against either the other one's property or, in a couple of very tragic cases, the other one's person.
The case histories in the book are partly told in the words of the addicted one, with comments by the author. There is a chapter devoted to the ones who are pursued, although even in this chapter, the focus goes back to the pursuers.
If it appears as though the pursuers are the always the bad guys, this is not the case. Sometimes the ones who are pursued are using the pursuers (who normally fall into a particular category that Forward calls "Saviors") and setting them up for a fall. These folks cannot be driven away until their web of lies and deceit are exposed.
Finally, there is a section on how to let go of the obsession. One of the strongest and most helpful parts of this section is the reminder that if the other party has cut off all contact, the relationship is over. Forward expresses her surprise at how many clients she sees who, even though they may not have heard from their ex-partner in months, still believe that they have a relationship with that person.
I highly recommend this book to anybody who has, or thinks they have, an addiction to a person. It's a great reminder that we are not alone in this illness and that help is available.
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful.
accepting and understanding
By kristi
This book is awesome and I would recommend it to anyone who is having problems letting go as it will most likely happen in the next relaionship. . I wish I had read it 25 years ago when I first fell in love and found myself having trouble moving on after each relationship fell apart. There is a pattern ... this book brings it to light and helps you to understand this behavior and know that it can be fixed once you acknowledge and recognize it. By reading other peoples problems with obsessive behaviors it made it easy for me to look and accept my own, deal with it and look forward to letting go of this disruptive and unhealthy behavior immediatly!This is a keeper and one I will re-read again!!
5 of 5 people found the following review helpful.
Extremely Helpful
By SweetMusic
I've been struggling with "getting over" my ex for 6 years now, and this is the first book I've read that has actually helped me. It shows how and why thoughts and behaviors can become obsessive, and gives concrete suggestions and exercises to help change these self destructive tendincies. I highly recommend this book for anybody ready to take their life back and move on to a new, healthy relationship.
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