Jumat, 27 Februari 2015

! Download Ebook Anne of Green Gables (Boxed Set), by L.M. Montgomery

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Anne of Green Gables (Boxed Set), by L.M. Montgomery

Includes "Anne of Green Gables" and "Anne of Avonlea". 4 cassettes.

  • Sales Rank: #4175816 in Books
  • Brand: Brand: Listening Library
  • Published on: 1991-10-01
  • Released on: 1991-10-01
  • Formats: Abridged, Audiobook
  • Original language: English
  • Number of items: 4
  • Dimensions: 2.84" h x 2.86" w x 4.89" l,
  • Running time: 360 minutes
  • Binding: Audio Cassette
Features
  • Used Book in Good Condition

From School Library Journal
Grade 2–4—Kessler reduces Montgomery's delightfully descriptive narrative to a bare-bones, easy-to-read plot summation. Though much of the dialogue and phrasing are taken directly from the original, this version suffers from abrupt transitions and loses much of its warmth, wit, and literary finesse. While the basic events of Anne's life and relationships are clearly conveyed, the adaptation lacks spirit, and the vivacious protagonist comes across as flat. Her maturation from girl to young woman, which develops naturally over the course of the novel, seems all too sudden and unsatisfying in this picture-book rendition. Any sense of the time period and the colorful setting-which are so vividly expressed in Montgomery's writing—are conveyed here only through the warm-hued full-page and spot illustrations. Young readers would do better to wait until they have the necessary vocabulary and skills to experience the real thing.—Joy Fleishhacker, School Library Journal
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

Review
"Susan O’Malley reads this wonderful book with great sympathy, bringing Anne’s world to life." --Looking Glass Review

Anne Shirley is "the most moving and delightful child of fiction since the immortal Alice." --Mark Twain

From the Inside Flap
Anne Shirley is, Mark Twain observed, "the dearest and most lovable child in fiction since the immortal Alice," and like the elderly Cuthberts who had hoped to adopt a boy instead of the spunky red-headed orphan, generations of readers have grown to love the impetuous Anne.

Canada's best known and most beloved novel is available in the definitive text of Montgomery's 1908 classic, an enchanting and timeless story of real lives and real loves.

Most helpful customer reviews

17 of 20 people found the following review helpful.
Loved it!
By jmoor
I read this book when I was younger and wanted to read it again as we went to Nova Scotia this past year and went to the actual cottage and grounds. While reading this book again it was wonderful be able to have a minds eye of all the places she talked about in it. Her command of the English language is amazing. Her adjectives and descriptions were just fantastic. I would recommend this book to all girls, young and old. It truly is an "uplifting classic."

6 of 6 people found the following review helpful.
timeless story
By Mary McKim
this is a gentle timeless story about an awkward but genuine orphen girl and what happens when she is mistakenly adopted by an elderly brother and sister in rural prince edward island more then a hundred years ago. the stories are kind and gentle. the people are engaging. it is a way of life that is gone now ... but the belief in the basic goodness of community remains true all these many years later. if you have never read it.. read it now. dont let your life go by without it. if you read it 60 years ago... read it again. it will still delight.

5 of 5 people found the following review helpful.
How Tragical!
By R. Johnson
I thought it would be impossible to ruin such a wonderful book. A beautifully written story that makes me laugh and cry - perfect to listen to on a cross country drive! How wrong I was!

You know how with other audio books the person sounds like they're not even reading - more like they're actually talking to you, telling a story? Susan O'Malley sounds like she's reading. An instruction manual. That's above her reading level.

In the beginning she doesn't bother using different voices or even different inflection for different characters; they're just all read in the same dull, monotonous voice as the narrative. Later on she does make a half-hearted attempt at different voices, but it doesn't help. As the voice drones on and on CD after CD, it's actually painful to listen to. There are some unintentional moments of comic relief, such as when Anne is supposed to exclaim, "Oh, Mr. Cuthbert!" three times in a row. O'Malley reads them in the same dull tone, as if she has a stomach ache.

The editing is poor as well. More often in the later chapters, suddenly a louder, more energetic voice will cut in for two or three words, then back to the same droning.

Don't skip this book; it's very much worth experiencing! But I'd avoid this audio book. Instead, read it, or see if there's one done by a different reader.

See all 40 customer reviews...

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>> Free Ebook Spin Control, by Chris Moriarty

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Spin Control, by Chris Moriarty

Call Arkady a clone with a conscience. Or call him a traitor. A member of the space-faring Syndicates, Arkady has defected to Israel with a hot commodity: a genetic weapon powerful enough to wipe out humanity. But Israel’s not buying it. They’re selling it–and Arkady–to the highest bidder.

As the auction heats up, the Artificial Life Emancipation Front sends in Major Catherine Li. Drummed out of the Peacekeepers for executing Syndicate prisoners, Li has now literally hooked up with an AI who has lived many lifetimes and shunted through many bodies. But while they have their own conflicting loyalties to contend with, together they’re just one player in a mysterious high-stakes game….

  • Sales Rank: #327021 in Books
  • Published on: 2006-06-27
  • Released on: 2006-06-27
  • Original language: English
  • Number of items: 1
  • Dimensions: 8.98" h x 1.06" w x 6.12" l, 1.00 pounds
  • Binding: Paperback
  • 464 pages

From Publishers Weekly
Set in the same universe as Moriarty's SF debut, Spin State (2003), [her] richly textured second novel explores issues of identity and loyalty, swapping quantum mechanics for complexity theory and mystery for suspense. Arkady, an entomologist assigned to a terraforming project with his fellow clone, Arkasha, comes into possession of two pieces of information: one very valuable, the other very damaging. The pair also fall in love. Then Arkasha is kidnapped, and Arkady must travel to Earth and sell his knowledge to the highest bidder to rescue her. Through Arkady's bewildered eyes, the reader discovers a future world where America is a rogue nation and the most precious commodities are water and the ability to bear children. Moriarty, whose style has smoothed out considerably, handles such characters from Spin State as Catherine Li, a military veteran with a fragmented memory, and Cohen, an AI collective inhabiting a human body, with more finesse. Where Spin State was nominated for awards, this sequel may win them. (July)
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

From Booklist
RostovSyndicate A-series clone Arkady, a myrmecologist (ant biologist) who has defected to Israel with a genetic weapon powerful enough to tear humanity apart, would do anything to save fellow clone Arkasha, his partner on the ill-fated survey mission to Novalis, where they encountered the weapon. But, considered a deviant by the rigid standards of Syndicate society, Arkasha is in a "renorming" center again. Israel's not buying the weapon and instead sets off a bidding war for Arkady's secret, which involves the Artificial Life Emancipation Front, Palestine's government, and an American representative. Conspiracies abound, and in a world threatened with ecological collapse--recent aftereffects of war include the Line, a strip of land between Israel and Palestine devastated by a biological weapon that allows everything except humans to flourish--what Arkady is offering could make all the difference to the future of Earth and humanity. In Moriarty's high-stakes, tension-riddled addition to visions of the posthuman future, the characters have the complexity of motivation and backstory to make this more than just another dire-future thriller. Regina Schroeder
Copyright © American Library Association. All rights reserved

Review
"[T]his richly textured second novel explores issues of identity and loyalty, swapping quantum mechanics for complexity theory and mystery for suspense."—Publishers Weekly

"The characters have the complexity of motivation and backstory to make this more than just another dire-future thriller.... Tension-riddled."—Booklist


From the Trade Paperback edition.

Most helpful customer reviews

21 of 21 people found the following review helpful.
SF intrigue and adventure
By Elisabeth Carey
This is a sequel to Moriarty's 2003 Spin State, which I enjoyed very much. Catherine Li, now an ex-Peacekeeper, and her very dangerous AI lover, Cohen, are back, this time pursuing information from a Syndicate defector. The defector, a Syndicate clone called Arkady, has information about a genetic doomsday weapon powerful enough to wipe out humanity. He's defected to Israel, but the Israelis for some reason aren't buying the story, and have decided to sell it, and Ardady, to the highest bidder. And Li and Cohen have been hired to represent the interests of the Artificial Life Emancipation Front.

In alternating sections we get the current intrigue, with Arkady's confusion at life outside the space-faring clone Syndicates, and especially on old, tired, damaged Earth, Li and Cohen's struggles with their conflicting loyalties needs, and Arkady's last months in the Syndicates, building to the secret of the weapon and the cause of his defection. In Spin State, seen mainly through Catherine Li's eyes, the Syndicates were the ominous, monolithic, threatening Enemy. In Spin Control, seen from the inside, the ominous forces are still there, but it's altogether a more complex and conflicted picture--the Syndicates in some respects (by no means all!) represent a life governed by more humane values than what the UN offers to most of those living under its rule. There's also a good deal more--call it cultural diversity, call it personality differences--among the different clone Syndicates than Li, with her constricted view of them, could suspect. And it's in that diversity of cultural values that lies both the threat and the promise of what Arkady has come to tell someone who'll listen.

Spin State was a very good book. Spin Control is a better book. Highly recommended.

8 of 9 people found the following review helpful.
Mixed Bag
By J. Avellanet
There are parts of this book, particularly the last 100 pages, that are hard to put down and will keep you reading through phone calls and well past bedtime.

Unfortunately, there are parts of the book that are also weak...or so fascinating that just by touching upon them rather than exploring them more...I was left unsatisfied and a bit perplexed. I agree with several of the reviewers that the parts of the book about the Syndicates were fascinating and desperately needed to be explored far more.

Also, the plot is almost ludicrously convoluted and the chart the characters draw up to get their own hands around the plot made me think first, Wow, neat idea, and then, Wait a minute...this is what's wrong, when's the last time I read a great book that had to include a chart of various characters and plotlines to keep me focused...? Never, that's when, and that's the fundamental problem.

The characterization is excellent, the setting perfectly spun (albeit depressing), and the writing top notch. Unfortunately, the plot spins a bit too much out of control, is too convoluted and thus ends up losing a lot of its punch...which then caused my enjoyment of the book to drop.

If you like Moriarity's earlier book, SPIN STATE, this is an enjoyable, if not great read. If this is your first look at Moriarity or this type of cyberpunk sci-fi, there are a lot better books out there to whet your appetite on.

8 of 9 people found the following review helpful.
No sophomore slump here
By Jon M Altbergs
Not many sci-fi authors can successfully carry the banner of the hard-boiled tech noir first raised by William Gibson. Chris Moriarity of one of those few.

After enjoying the complex plot and dark environs of 'Spin State', I looked forward to diving into Moriarty's next novel. 'Spin Control' did not disappoint. Its plot is much tighter, even though much of it is told through a series of flashbacks and the over-the-shoulder point of view follows several different characters rather than just the heroine of 'Spin State', Catherine Li.

In 'Spin Control' Moriarty has given herself much more freedom to roam. She leaves behind the claustrophobic mines of Compson's World and sets out to explore the larger universe she has created. In 'Spin Control' we learn a lot more about the Syndicates and their way of life and are offered an intriguing glimpse into the personal history (histories?) of the AI Cohen. Li and Korchow still figure prominently in the story, but they don't dominate.

If you like William Gibson, Iain M Banks, or Richard K Morgan, you'll enjoy Moriarty's work as well. The territory will feel familiar, and you're not likely to find much that's new or groundbreaking. However, if you enjoy the genre or enjoyed 'Spin State', you'll find 'Spin Control' worth your time.

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Senin, 23 Februari 2015

## PDF Ebook More Hot Sex: How to Do It Longer, Better, and Hotter Than Ever, by Tracey Cox

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More Hot Sex: How to Do It Longer, Better, and Hotter Than Ever, by Tracey Cox

Just when you thought you knew it all...comes this new guide to erotic pleasure by the woman who literally wrote the book on Hot Sex. Because you really can’t get enough of a good thing, Tracey Cox, a.k.a. the Sex Doctor, has turned up the heat to deliver the feel-good book for men and women of every taste and persuasion. Inside you’ll find the low-down on going down, straight talk on toys, and surefire ways to turn up the heat on even the most lukewarm love life. Filled with hands-on advice, this brand-new how-to guide to making it hotter is both amusing and arousing, and almost as much fun to read as doing it yourself!

Including such sexciting topics as:
• The top five things your new lover is hoping for
• Foolproof ways to tell how you rate as a lover
• How to get some: sex advice for those who aren’t getting enough or aren't getting any...whether you already have a partner or need a date
• Does cheating count if no one catches you?
• The best sex toys and how to use them
• Are your parents getting into bed with you?
• Crucial keys to having fabulous long-term sex
• Position yourself for maximum pleasure: easy-to-follow instructions for out-of-this-world orgasms

And much more!

  • Sales Rank: #602123 in Books
  • Brand: Brand: Bantam
  • Published on: 2007-06-26
  • Released on: 2007-06-26
  • Original language: English
  • Number of items: 1
  • Dimensions: 8.15" h x .70" w x 5.20" l, .55 pounds
  • Binding: Paperback
  • 320 pages
Features
  • Used Book in Good Condition

From Publishers Weekly
Cox, author of a number of popular sex and relationship guides, follows up her 1999 Hot Sex with this helpful collection of further tips and insights. Continuing to stress the importance of communication between partners, Cox distinguishes her work with an impressive range of topics, as well as careful attention to the emotional and intellectual aspects of sex. With a friendly, funny, conversational tone, Cox provides the requisite sex tips as well as advice on increasing attractiveness, consolation for late bloomers and detailed instructions on becoming a better kisser (an oft-overlooked instructional). She also offers her take on controversial topics like interoffice dating (why not?), and disproves common wisdom such as the assumption that men have stronger sex drives than women; she also disproves the adage that there's nothing new under the sun with three new female spots, besides the G, ripe for stimulation. Most topics are addressed from both a male and female point of view, letting readers in on the other team's viewpoint; her only misstep is a chapter on homosexuality and bisexuality aimed more at curious heteros than practicing gays and lesbians. Otherwise, this solid sex resource holds plenty of answers, both to frequently asked questions and the ones you're afraid to ask.
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

About the Author
Tracey Cox is a bestselling author, journalist, and TV presenter (HBO’s The Sex Inspectors, BBC’s Would Like to Meet, and TLC’s Date Patrol). Her first book, Hot Sex, was a worldwide success. Tracey is UK Glamour magazine’s relationships coach and contributes to a variety of other publications around the world.

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
Chapter One

Sex for Singles

Get more of it, make the most of it


Being single gets bad press, particularly if you're female. Ask people to conjure up an image of a single woman and Bridget Jones comes to mind: a plump, lonely, late-night ice-cream scoffer whose two best friends are wine and cigarettes. Men fare slightly better--at least there's the dashing, if bordering on sleazy, player hovering alongside the man in the cardigan, hair slicked and parted down the middle, nostrils and ears attractively sprouting hair. Yes, the general impression of "single" is definitely one of barren unhappiness, punctuated by daily bouts of desperate sobbing, TV dinners for one, and phones which are watched but never ring.

But there's something horribly wrong with this picture: no single person I know fits the bill. My single friends are gorgeous, gregarious, fun-loving creatures who spend their Saturday nights wickedly flirting and flitting about fabulous bars, restaurants, clubs, or parties. Yes, they might have the occasional moan but 90 percent of the time they're happy, and for good reason . . .

Let's be honest here, while sex in a long-term relationship can often be ho-hum, sex when you're single and on a roll can be absolutely marvelous! By merrily playing the field, you can enjoy a potent combination of sporadic sex (having sex on tap tends to dampen desire) and new flesh (the ultimate aphrodisiac for almost all of us). The end result is a dangerously high libido. Life is fun! When relationships aren't serious, they're zero effort and maximum laughs because you don't stick around long enough to hit problems. You don't have to work hard at sex, either, because the newness factor keeps everything hot and steamy.

As a sexy singleton you've also got the opportunity to sample different sexual styles: everybody makes love differently and experience means you'll discover your true sexual personality. Sure, sex with someone you love is special and ultimately more satisfying, but no-strings sex with someone who's so delicious you have to pick your tongue up off the floor is pretty damn special, too. Far from wallowing in their aloneness, plenty of singletons are reveling in one of the lustiest times of their lives.

It's your choice what category you fall into during your single days--sad or sassy--but don't let anyone tell you differently: it's not about what you look like, it's about having the right attitude. And the right attitude is to enjoy it while you can.

This chapter tackles the dilemmas a typical single person faces, everything from how to get laid more often to advice on what to do if the person you've got earmarked for long-term turns out to be the worst lover you've ever come across (or not). But don't let me interrupt your social life--read this on a Monday night when you're not out enjoying yourself.


How attractive are you?

On a scale of one to ten, how would you rate yourself? If you're typical of the general population, whatever number you assign yourself won't reflect your true worth because most of us aren't even close to objective when judging our own looks. We're capricious--one minute we think we look great, the next we don't. And surprise, surprise, women in particular see faults when they look in the mirror. One reason our perception of ourselves is flawed is because we fail to look at the big picture, whereas people looking in on us do.

How attractive we think we are influences our choice of partner: we tend to match up with people who rate the same as us. If you think you're a three, you're not going to feel comfortable lying next to a nine; a nine doesn't usually hook up with a three because they feel short changed. The social exchange theory says people like to maximize their rewards and minimize the costs. "Could I do better?" is a thought which plagues almost all of us at some stage in a relationship, and we don't stop asking ourselves this, even when we're married with three kids. The question is: Have you got the relationship you deserve?


Rate yourself

* Do you worry about what you look like? Attractive people tend to be more conscious of their appearance. But what came first, the chicken or the egg? Are they self-conscious because people look at them more often? Or attractive because they're vain and spend a lot of time on their appearance? Interestingly, people who worry about their looks tend to think they're a lot less attractive than they really are. This could be because they compare themselves with very good-looking people rather than the average person.

* How physically attractive are you? The good news is, unless you've got the ego of Donald Trump, you're almost certainly better looking than you think. People don't focus on your faults half as much as you think they do because they're too busy worrying about their own. If you're female, are paranoid about your body, and feel slightly uncomfortable in public, you're almost certainly hotter than you think for all the reasons listed above.

Another clue as to how attractive you are is to look at your partner or past partners. Subconsciously we tend to match up with people we think are similar physically, though as we get older or get to know the person better, looks become less important. If you're rich and powerful deduct points, as both these qualities guarantee you'll attract people far better looking than you are.

* What's your social standing? The cooler your job and the more money you earn, the more attractive you are to others. Ditto if you're famous. Sadly, intelligence and academic achievement can actually work against you if you're female. Some men, but not all, thank God, are threatened by this (wimps).

* How emotionally intelligent are you? This will score you points with people looking for long-term partners. Being honest, loyal, caring, and sensitive are all valued. Emotional intelligence is also the area we have the most control over. It's a lot easier to vow to be kind than to vow to be an Oscar winner in six months' time.

* Are you outgoing and gregarious? We notice people who make themselves known to us and by proxy find them more attractive. Our personality plays a huge factor in how attractive we are and big personalities usually rate higher than shy, wallflower types. Humor also plays a part. We all know the unattractive but funny guy who always lands the best-looking girl at the party. But while humorous men are seen as more attractive by women, studies show amusing women aren't necessarily more attractive to men.

* How old are you? This is a weird one because at a certain stage in your life youth is seen as attractive, later on age might work for you. Older men sometimes date more attractive women because they're more accomplished. Despite being far less ageist than previous generations, most of us still look for someone within five years of our age. In the past, women would date five years older and men five years younger, but these days it doesn't tend to matter which sex has blown out more candles.

Interestingly, while there's still a general perception that young women are more attractive than older ones, it depends totally on how good you look. Given the choice between a hot-looking older woman and a not-so-hot younger one, most men will opt for Mrs. Robinson--and be pleasantly surprised. Many women gain confidence with age, know what they need sexually, and aren't scared to ask for it.

Are you protective and supportive? Women still look for men who can provide for them and some men are still quite keen on having a "little woman" tucked away at home providing backup. The exception being wealthy women--because they don't need to rely on men for money, they tend to pick their partners for the reasons lots of men do: youth and looks.
Make yourself more attractive instantly:

Think of yourself as more attractive: If you think you look good, you move and behave more confidently, which means others perceive you as more attractive.

Hang around ugly people: It's called the contrast effect. We feel pretty around ugly people and ugly around pretty people. The good news is you don't have to switch friends if they're attractive because it also works the other way around . . .

Hang around pretty people: This works in a different way. We're defined by our friends and peer group and the cooler and better- looking they are, the cooler and better-looking we appear to others. This is assuming, of course, that you have a healthy self-esteem that lets you realize you're as good as the others.

Don't idealize: Women, in particular, compare themselves to an ideal standard of beauty (genetic freaks called supermodels). If asked to rate something like our interpersonal skills, however, we measure ourselves against the norm rather than compare ourselves with Freud. In one study, researchers got men and women to take a simple mathematical exam. Both sexes scored evenly. Then they repeated the exercise, but got everyone to do it in their bathing suits. Forced to sit there in a bikini, the women's results dived while the men's didn't alter. Instead of concentrating on the problem at hand, women concentrated on other women's bodies, checking out how they measured up, as well as wondering how the men were rating them.

Show people you like them: We like people who like us. The easiest way to make yourself more appealing to others is to be friendly and warm.

Get older: There's evidence that people feel more attractive with age, even if they don't look it.

Solutions to Things Lots of Singles Struggle With

Sex and smooch buddies: A good idea?

Most of us have either had one or have one: the old faithful who can always be counted on if all else fails for either a good kiss and cuddle or damn good (and usually very wicked) sex. So why don't we actually date these people? Sometimes it's because one of you is already involved with someone else (naughty), while other times it's a grown-up realization that as much as you're fond of each other, you don't have enough in common outside the bedroom to make it work.

If you've got the right personality for it and are both single, I think sex and smooch buddies (SBs) can be a very good idea. Having someone you can cuddle when you're drunk/ down/just feel like it, quells "skin hunger": the simple need to be touched and held by another person. The smooch part reminds us how good kissing and sexual affection are and helps us feel sexy and attractive. Having an SB means the "drought" between partners leaves us a lot less parched and panicky than we would be without someone's lips attached to ours on the odd occasion. Sex buddies serve an extra purpose: they provide a safe sexual outlet and stop us taking risks with someone we shouldn't. If you're a horny little thing and are tempted to hump your workmate's legs when deprived of a bit of action, sex buddies are a very good idea indeed. Much better to sleep with someone you know than head down to your local pub with $40 in your pocket and a nasty gleam in your eye. We tend to use condoms with SBs or both get tested and use condoms with other people, until the point when either of you meets someone you want to be faithful to. And no, you can't keep them when this happens. The point of having an SB is null and void once you have sex on tap, and continuing it means you're no longer SBs, you're having an affair. There's a huge difference between an affair and a rather agreeable arrangement for consequence-free, high-quality sex with someone you're quite attached to.

Like all good things, however, there is a downside to the SB thing. As much as the Sex and the City girls rate them--"They're a shot in the arm for sexual self-esteem," Carrie enthuses--there's a temptation for one of you to make more of the relationship at some point, which is when you could find out that it's possible to find someone stimulating in bed but boring out of it. Either that or you end up falling for them and the feeling isn't reciprocated, or vice versa. Either way, it means the sex is ruined forever. Don't do it.


Is it wrong to sleep with someone on the first night if you want more than a one-night stand?

It's not wrong but it's risky. If you want to up your chances of the relationship being healthy and lasting the distance, do the opposite: try to put off having full, penetrative sex for as long as possible. Not because "good girls don't" or because he might judge you, even though he may, but because you're creating the best possible circumstances for the two of you to bond physically and emotionally. Once you sleep with someone, you keep on sleeping with them. Which means you're instantly, and literally, intimately bonded, which effectively robs you of logic and objectivity. "Lust blindness" causes us to get so involved with our partner's body, we forget to look closely at the person inside. This is what's usually happened when someone pleads "But I love him!" when "love" has landed her in the hospital. No one deliberately sets out to fall in love with a bastard, you end up there because you rushed into something too fast and didn't do your homework. Sex is a strong glue and it holds together the most unlikely of couples. The longer you avoid doing it, the more time you'll spend out of the bedroom, talking and finding out if that person is right for you. Besides, waiting teaches you both the merits of sexual anticipation, and taking baby steps--kissing first, then touching, then oral sex--teaches you that sex doesn't have to mean intercourse. In the Story of O, the main character was taught to only let a man make love to one bit of her body at a time, so he'd truly learn how to pleasure each and every part of her.


What if I only want a one-night stand?

You little player, you! Only joking, it's fine to just want sex, so long as the person you're having it with agrees. Call me old-fashioned, idealistically hopeful, or plain deluded, but as much as I don't expect you to stand at the foot of someone's bed and announce solemnly, "I'm just here for the sex," I don't think it's too much to ask for you to send out strong signals saying pretty much that. And that means no whispering sweet nothings unless they're sexual, no saying how fabulous they are, unless you're talking about physical attributes, no hinting at future plans--"I'll have to take you there someday." In other words, make all your chat-up sexual rather than romantic. This sends a clear, unsullied message. If you're really nice, you'll say something like, "Look, you turn me on something awful but I can't really promise anything. Do you want to/can I stay the night or would that be out of order?" This spells out your intentions in a lighthearted way, and if they agree, your conscience is pretty clear.

Most helpful customer reviews

1 of 2 people found the following review helpful.
Objectively informative
By Jeremy
Covers sex in a very broad set of categories. Very thorough and certainly objective. This writer is open about when her opinions are presented and when research is presented.

0 of 0 people found the following review helpful.
Five Stars
By Deborah Esslinger
Pretty book with great ideas...

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Minggu, 22 Februari 2015

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No More Letting Go: The Spirituality of Taking Action Against Alcoholism and Drug Addiction, by Debra Jay

“Detachment” has been the standard message of most addiction literature for the last twenty years. The conventional wisdom offered to an addict’s loved ones has been to let the addict “hit bottom” before intervening. Now intervention specialist Debra Jay challenges this belief and offers a bold new approach to treating addiction that provides a practical and spiritual lifeline to families struggling with alcohol or drug abuse.

In No More Letting Go, Jay argues that the traditional advice of “letting go” too often destroys both the addict and the family physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Jay contends that addiction is everybody’s business–not just the addict’s–and addiction doesn’t have the right to trump the welfare of a family.

In short, highly accessible chapters written with warmth, understanding, and compassion, Jay weaves together philosophical and religious thought; new science on the brain function of an addict; the physical and psychological impact of addiction on family members; and poignant, real-life family stories.

No More Letting Go is a powerful, informative guide that provides comfort, hope, and practical advice to anyone affected by a family member’s addiction.

  • Sales Rank: #151830 in Books
  • Published on: 2006-04-25
  • Released on: 2006-04-25
  • Original language: English
  • Number of items: 1
  • Dimensions: 8.30" h x .70" w x 5.20" l, .57 pounds
  • Binding: Paperback
  • 319 pages

From Publishers Weekly
Addiction counselors have typically assumed several things: recovery can occur only when the addict decides he or she needs help; this happens only when the addict hits "rock bottom"; until then, the addict's loved ones should detach emotionally. But Jay, an intervention specialist and author of Love First, believes that untreated addiction is unacceptable because it wrecks families and destroys lives. She outlines a plan to help families get assistance for their addicted loved one without waiting for "rock bottom." Intriguingly, Jay also casts the battle against addiction as a kind of spiritual war: she redefines detachment as "a spiritual quality that makes action possible," and describes such action as an act of faith. A fascinating section entitled "What We Know Now," details current genetic and neuroscientific research into people's varying susceptibilities to addiction. (May)
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

About the Author
DEBRA JAY is the co-author of the Hazelden Guidebooks, Love First: A New Approach to Intervention, and Aging and Addiction. A graduate of the Hazelden Addiction Professional Training Program, she currently provides private intervention consultation to families throughout the United States and Canada. Debra appears regularly on Oprah, has been featured in Prevention Magazine and More Magazine, and is a national speaker and workshop leader. She resides in Grosse Pointe, Michigan, with her husband, Jeff Jay, where she writes a regular advice column for The Grosse Pointe News.

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
PART ONE

Questioning Our Assumptions



Hitting Bottom:

A Family Affair

When addiction begins causing serious problems, a family’s greatest fears turn into reality. They watch with disbelief as the alcoholic continues drinking while their lives are falling apart. Unable to convince the alcoholic to stop drinking, families begin searching for answers. In my years of working with the relatives of alcoholics and addicts, I have found that families rarely reach out for help until the drinking and drugging hit a crisis point, and then they are often told: “There’s nothing you can do until the alcoholic wants help. You’ll just have to let him hit bottom.”

Hitting bottom is an old idea, still imposed upon families as if it were an absolute. Many families sadly believe that they must wait for alcoholics to hit bottom before there is any hope for recovery. They rarely stop to consider that this belief sentences them to years of unhappiness and devastation. No one ever mentions the fact that alcoholics and addicts don’t take the trip to the bottom alone—the family goes with them. Families are never warned that the journey to the bottom takes even the smallest children.

Hitting bottom should never be our first strategy; it is a strategy of last resort. Only when every reasonable intervention technique is exhausted should we let someone free-fall. Even then, there are ways to raise the bottom, to stretch out the safety net of treatment and recovery. Addiction always presents new opportunities. The trick is recognizing them and knowing how to take action.

The premise of hitting bottom is that addicts hit one bottom and, when they get there, either are struck sober or go running for the nearest treatment center. But addicts are resilient. They find people to rescue them. They often bounce along the bottom for years without a flicker of recognition that they need help. When they find themselves in a tough spot, alcohol whispers reassurances: There’s nothing to worry about as long as you have me.

I was having dinner with some recovering alcoholics, and a particularly nice fellow in his late fifties was celebrating fifteen years of sobriety. He talked about living in a roach-infested one-room apartment above a bar for twelve years, drinking and doing drugs every single day. He said his life was miserable, but he just couldn’t stop. He came close to dying several times before getting help. One of the people in our group said, “Well, you just weren’t ready.” Someone else piped up with, “It takes what it takes.” Everyone’s head nodded in agreement. Stunned that my dinner companions thought that this man had had to lose some of the best years of his life before he was ready to get sober, I asked, “Where was your family?” He said his wife divorced him and his kids never came around. “All for the better, really,” he added. “I wasn’t any kind of father worth having.” I asked what might have happened if everyone in his family, along with his closest friends, had come to him with a solid plan for recovery and an outpouring of love. Might he have accepted their help? Could it have turned out differently for him and his kids? Would his marriage have survived? He looked at me for a moment and then said, “I never considered that before. Who knows, I might’ve taken them up on their help. Maybe we could’ve saved our family.”

Do alcoholics ever hit bottom and then climb their way up into sobriety? Of course they do. But we never know who’ll be the lucky ones or what price they’ll pay along the way. Three hundred and fifty people a day find a bottom with no bounce—death. Countless others go to prison, go insane, or just go nowhere. Families are torn apart, children lose one or both parents, and relationships are damaged beyond repair. But many begin a journey of recovery before hitting bottom—the path is tough and rocky at first but becomes easier to travel as time goes on. Many things motivate alcoholics to make a turnaround before tragedy strikes, but it is usually family, friends, or employers. When the Hazelden Foundation asked sober alcoholics what set them on their new course to recovery, 77 percent said a friend or relative intervened. Someone cared enough to raise their bottom.

The best cases against hitting bottom are the real-life stories: A college-educated, forty-seven-year-old divorced father of three loses everything, lives in his parents’ basement drinking and smoking pot daily, and is unable to hold a job. A twenty-four-year-old trades his girlfriend’s new car for crack cocaine. The police find a seventy-two-year-old grandmother half naked and passed out on her front lawn. Babies are strapped in the backseat as a mother drives drunk to buy more wine; the police stop her, taking the children to protective services and Mom to jail. A young father goes to bed drunk and suffocates on his own vomit. A successful thirty-two-year-old woman driving home intoxicated kills a father and his daughter when she slams into them on the freeway. All of these stories come from families I’ve worked with, and no words can express their pain or deep, abiding sense of loss. Waiting for alcoholics to hit unknown bottoms results in much tragedy and heartbreak.

“Bottoms” can be temporary. Alcoholics resist getting sober even when things are going badly in their lives. They are good at weathering storms. Perhaps they’ll swear off alcohol for a while, but as soon as things cool down, they begin drinking again. The addicted brain can’t make lasting connections between alcohol and the problems it causes. Once the problems go away, alcohol is their best friend again. Addiction is both invisible and sacred to alcoholics: they deny its existence yet sacrifice everything to it.

Addicts don’t want to cause trouble or hurt the people they love. Quite the contrary: they struggle to be the person they think they still are, the person they were before the addiction took hold. They can’t make sense of their own actions. As their addiction progresses and troubles mount, they work harder to manage their lives, but addiction never lets anyone lead a life free of trouble. There are always problems, big and small. Bad behavior, poor decisions, and emotional upheaval are all symptoms of this disease, which affects both the brain and the soul. Families are confused, too. Not understanding what is happening to their loved one, they mutter, “When will she learn?” But addicts can’t learn because addiction keeps tightening its grip, demanding complete allegiance.

The apostle Paul could have been describing an addict when he wrote: “I do not understand my own behavior; I do not act as I mean to, but I do things that I hate. Though the will to do what is good is in me, the power to do it is not; the good thing that I want to do, I never do; the evil thing which I do not want—that is what I do.” As alcoholics try to resolve the conflict between how they want to behave and how they are behaving, in the end, the only solution they can see is another drink.

Most helpful customer reviews

41 of 41 people found the following review helpful.
The absolute best book I've found!
By A. Hansbarger
This is the best book I've found on the topic of addiction. I liked it so much, I've bought multiple copies and handed them out to people in need. It is full of compassion and remarkably free of blame for both the person with the addiction and the family members who suffer the effects. Furthermore, it offers direction and hope rather than the advice to detach while the addiction takes your loved one down and you with him or her.

This book is well-written (clear and concise) and easy to read (which is a good thing if you're in the chaos of an active addiction), but it is also thorough and profound. I especially like that Jay takes a detailed, but not overly-complicated look at the brain processes that lead to addiction, manipulation, hypervigilance, and other ill effects.

The last portion gives information about putting together an intervention (and why talking to the addict on your own is likely to be met with frustration). Confronting an active addiction requires a group effort and careful planning. Debra and Jeff Jay's book "Love First" goes into greater detail about how to do an intervention. Both books are excellent, but I recommend this book over "Love First" as a starting point.

Addiction is a medical issue, not a moral issue. It is a brain disease that causes immoral actions. Your loved one cannot pull themselves up by their bootstraps because, if they are addicted, they lack bootstraps! Even if your loved one is taking illegal drugs, it is likely they began taking drugs (illegal or legal) at a young age, before the decision-making area of their brain was fully developed.

One point that I especially liked (and which has steered me away from divorce on several occasions) is that if it is the parent of your child that suffers from addiction, even if you divorce, you will still likely have to deal with him or her and the behavior that results from addiction, so perhaps seeking help is a better course of action than letting go.

My one suggestion to Ms. Jay is to write a book on recovery and relapse. I hope one is in the works.

30 of 30 people found the following review helpful.
A new paradigm for families
By Rob
Debra Jay has been on Oprah more than a few times. She's the blond lady with the glasses who is always so direct with addicts and their families. Her new book is a revelation. Basically, her idea is that there should be zero tolerance for untreated addiction in the family. After all, why should the alcoholic have the right to "hit bottom" in their own sweet time, when the family is suffering?

She brings up an interesting analogy. Twenty-five years ago, drunk driving was tolerated. Bartenders even gave people to-go cups! Then, two women who had children killed by drunk drivers, started MADD and everything changed. Now, even the beer companies say "friends don't let friends drive drunk."

Debra Jay is proposing that the same thing should happen with alcoholism and drug addiction. Treatment works (it worked in my family) and so we should have zero tolerance for untreated addiction.

She makes some good points about how an alcoholic is like a magician who uses misdirection to fool everyone. If you've ever tried to talk to an addict, you know how they blame everything and everybody but themselves. She shows how to take action to stop that kind of thing, and how to start organizing an intervention.

If one of your family members is an alcoholic or a drug addict, you should read this book. It is amazing.

5 of 5 people found the following review helpful.
Great information, solid, scientific and so moving
By Jess
In trying to get more information about alcoholism, I've been frustrated by a lot of Al-Anon and AA literature. I wanted to understand what the heck is going on and really learn more about the disease at least. Debra Jay's book is so excellent both in helping to understand the disease, and giving you realistic, helpful ways to try and help an alcoholic in your life. She so clearly outlines clear facts and scientific information about this disease, and why is it so maddening and confusing to deal with. This book helped me sort out my understanding of the disease before we did an intervention.

If you are thinking of doing an intervention, I recommend their intervention workshop videos [...] - they are super detailed, so helpful. We actually got my sister into a treatment facility, using their outline and tips! Yea!!

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City of Saints and Madmen, by Jeff VanderMeer

In City of Saints and Madmen, Jeff VanderMeer has reinvented the literature of the fantastic. You hold in your hands an invitation to a place unlike any you’ve ever visited–an invitation delivered by one of our most audacious and astonishing literary magicians.

City of elegance and squalor. Of religious fervor and wanton lusts. And everywhere, on the walls of courtyards and churches, an incandescent fungus of mysterious and ominous origin. In Ambergris, a would-be suitor discovers that a sunlit street can become a killing ground in the blink of an eye. An artist receives an invitation to a beheading–and finds himself enchanted. And a patient in a mental institution is convinced he’s made up a city called Ambergris, imagined its every last detail, and that he’s really from a place called Chicago.…

By turns sensuous and terrifying, filled with exotica and eroticism, this interwoven collection of stories, histories, and “eyewitness” reports invokes a universe within a puzzlebox where you can lose–and find–yourself again.

  • Sales Rank: #452928 in Books
  • Brand: Vandermeer, Jeff/ Moorcock, Michael (INT)
  • Published on: 2006-02-28
  • Released on: 2006-02-28
  • Original language: English
  • Number of items: 1
  • Dimensions: 8.30" h x 1.50" w x 5.20" l, 1.57 pounds
  • Binding: Paperback
  • 704 pages

From Publishers Weekly
A master of postmodern game playing, VanderMeer (The Exchange) here gathers all the fiction published in his earlier trade paper collection (also titled, in a typically Borgesian maneuver, City of Saints and Madmen), plus an equal amount of new material. Set in the haunted city of Ambergris, with its Borges Bookstore, these stories feature bizarre recurring characters and intensely self-referential plots. Among the highlights are the World Fantasy Award¤winning Transformation of Martin Lake, the tale of a talented painter who's obsessed with a great composer; The Strange Case of X, which concerns an incarcerated lunatic found wandering the streets of Ambergris carrying the very book being discussed in this review; the wonderful new story The Cage, in which an antiques dealer becomes infected with a fungus that's slowly taking over much of the city; and, oddest of all perhaps, an untitled short story, which fills the entire dust jacket and concerns an unnamed traveler who has a close encounter with a giant squid in the river that runs through Ambergris. Other pieces take many forms, including a history of the city complete with footnotes, psychiatric records from a local hospital, an amazingly funny work of pseudo-biology entitled King Squid and entirely bogus bibliographies and glossaries. This beautifully written, virtually hallucinatory work isn't for every taste, but connoisseurs of the finest in postmodern fantasy will find it enormously rewarding.
Copyright 2002 Cahners Business Information, Inc.

Review
a masterful novel...complex and textured, decadent and decaying...a beautiful work of art, both as physical object and text. -- Locus Online, 2002

From the Publisher
THE COLLECTION THAT CHINA MIEVILLE CALLED "ONE OF THE BEST BOOKS OF 2001"--ENHANCED WITH 55,000 WORDS OF NEW MATERIAL and innovative artwork and design by seven artists and three designers. A SUMPTUOUS FEAST OF TEXT AND ILLUSTRATION. This collection contains VanderMeer's Theodore Sturgeon Award finalist novella "Dradin, In Love" and his World Fantasy Award winning novella "Transformation of Martin Lake". Garry Nurrish served as chief designer on this ground-breaking project. John Coulthart, of Hawkwind and Lovecraft illustration fame, contributed several title pages. Here are comments on prior Ambergris titles by reviewers and authors:

"City of Saints packs so much literary and emotional matter into the confines of one city, it defies both the standard category of 'collection' and the newer label 'story suite'. Other fantasy authors may stripmine their invented worlds...for the last scrap of ore; VanderMeer keeps going deeper, and finding new forms of gold." -Faren Miller, Locus.

"...enormously talented, possessing a painterly mastery of the Grotesque that makes his intensely-wrought dark fantasy an experience to be savored." - Nick Gevers, Locus Online, the Top 10 SF & Fantasy Short Story Writers

"Ambergris is one of the great and unforgettable fantastic cities...it is a magnificent darkness." – Redsine

"[a] truly wonderful creation, the strange and ancient city of Ambergris pulls [the reader] deeper and deeper into pause-producing insights or startlingly nasty and/or beautiful revelations." - Gahan Wilson, Realms of Fantasy

"Written with a richness of language and imagery uncommon for fantasy, and the equivalent of the best offered by contemporary literary stylists, the authors blends... traditions both literary and social with an equal measure of playfulness. Descriptive passages possess an originality and individual vitality for which it is hard to find parallel." - William Thompson, SF Site

TERRI WINDLING, Editor Year's Best Fantasy & Horror "Walking into Jeff VanderMeer's Ambergris is like stepping inside of a surrealist painting by Leonora Carrington or Remedios Varo. I recommend the journey to all travelers with a taste for the fantastic." -Terri Windling, Editor, The Year's Best Fantasy & Horror

S.P. SOMTOW "VanderMeer is a master craftsman. His finely-honed language, laser-sharp, penetrates to the painful core of human experience."

MICHAEL MOORCOCK "Examining VanderMeer one is reminded of the glories of Angkor and Anudhapura combined with the bustle and swagger of Captain Conrad's Indonesia, the adventurous intrigues of Byzantium and Venice, the brutal Spice Wars of the Dutch. But sometimes it is as if Proust intrudes, insensed and reminiscent. VanderMeer describes a world so rich and exaggerated and full of mysterious life that it draws you away from any intended moral or pasquinade deep into the wealth of the world's womb...Make the most of the tapestry of tales and visions before you. It is a rare treasure, to be tasted with both relish and respect. It is the work of an original. It's what you've been looking for."

CHINA MIEVILLE "Somewhere at the intersection of pulp and Surrealism, drawing on the very best of both traditions, is Jeff VanderMeer's Ambergris. Unsettling, erudite, dark, shot through with unexpected humour, the stories engross and challenge endlessly. Ambergris is one of my favourite haunts in fiction."

R.M. BERRY, New York Times notable novel Leonardo's Horse "A remarkable writer of highly original, utterly hilarious fiction, who continually pushes the boundaries of current literary fashion. The Early History and Dradin, In Love are literary tours de force, in which form and language stubbornly refuse relegation to instrumentality and reassert their irrepressible life. Few works I've read in recent years have given me such pure pleasure.

NORMAN SPINRAD, Asimov's SF Magazine "[The Early History of Ambergris] is the sort of thing that reminds us that while publishing modes, genres, literary schools and styles, and even the material matrices in which literature is encoded, come and go, there is a restorative impulse, a literary innocence, that transcends the maya thereof, that has not died yet, that remains eternal. Eternal because it generates literature that is written entirely for fun, without the slightest nod to the shrewdities of careerism...It restoreth the soul. It giveth hope."

PAUL DI FILIPPO "As the shady demiurge whoactually ‘created' the historical personage known as Duncan Shriek, as well as the whole bloody history and complex culture of a complete world, the character of VanderMeer beggars the imagination. How could one fellow, even half divine, manage to combine the literary qualities of Nabokov, Borges, Barthelme, Cabell, Clark Ashton Smith, Suetonius, and Bernal Diaz into one person? It's impossible to credit!"

LANCE OLSEN "If Franz Kafka had a son, and Jorge Luis Borges raised him with Jessica Amanda Salmonson, I imagine the result would look a lot like Jeff VanderMeer - someone who writes with dark dream-time logic, Escher-like precision, and pure imaginative fire."

BRIAN STABLEFORD "I enjoyed The Early History of Ambergris tremendously and I think it's a marvellous piece of work, artfully combining humour and horror to excellent effect. Its mosaic format works beautifully to emphasize and extend the uncertainties of the fragmentary narrative. The greatest challenge facing any modern author is to produce a tale quite unlike any that has ever been produced before, but Jeff has met that challenge head on and answered it triumphantly. I hope the book is a great success, as it deserves to be - and whatever its immediate fate, I'm sure there will come a time when it will be an important and much-sought-after collector's item."

NEW YORK REVIEW OF SF "A text of lethally hypnotic fascination...a masterpiece of ironic perversity [set in] a brilliantly-realized city."

ST. JAMES GUIDE TO HORROR, GOTHIC, AND GHOST WRITERS "He will make a major contribution to the field of neo-Decadent dark fantasy."

RAIN TAXI "Vivid and beguiling, excellent exercise for the imagination, and efficient means of transportation to other realities. [VanderMeer] liberates us from the miserable reality of our days."

INTERZONE "The author's prose is delicate and ornate, but the narrative has force and wit in plenty...dramatizes and celebrates the anxiety and exhileration of entering the unknown - quite excellent."

THOMAS LIGOTTI

"...impressive work...I confess I tried to skim its pages - my usual procedure - but soon found that it was unskimmable and that every sentence needed to be read (and often reread)."

TANGENT "A really fine example of fantasy taken down the road a piece...well-drawn, tightly-focused...fantasy in fine fettle, healthy and vital, an intelligent, exciting exploration of the darker realms of the heart, with the good strong currents of myth and archetype to bear it along."

ED BRYANT, Locus "Set in the kind of no-time neverwhere city that Jorge Borges, Jack Vance, and Mervyn Peake might these days hiply program into their satellite locator systems...Lyrical, evocative, grim."

ASIMOV'S SF MAGAZINE "Assimilating and transcending such honorable influences as Clark Ashton Smith, Jack Vance, and E.R. Eddison, VanderMeer strides shoulder to shoulder with such currently working authors such as Paul Park, M. John Harrison, and Thomas Ligotti."

Most helpful customer reviews

10 of 12 people found the following review helpful.
Great Writing, Great Storytelling, Great Book
By D. Read
For those who have not yet discovered Jeff Vandermeer, and his rich, beautiful, and terrible world called Ambergris, I envy you. Within the pages of City of Saints and Madmen, you will find a rare quality of writing and storytelling that will at turns cause you to laugh, to cringe, to wonder, and to marvel at the audacity and daring of a writer to create these characters, situations, and settings. For those who are looking mainly for great storytelling, human drama, and fantastic settings, you will absolutely find what you are looking for here. However, for those who are also fetishists for exquisite prose, you will find more than you bargained for. Vandermeer's skill with the English language is what is sure to earn him an international following. Reading City of Saints and Madmen, it is clear that the author has slaved over every word, every sentence. I cannot fathom the rewriting, polishing, and sleepless nights that must go into this kind of prose.
Everything in this book is great, but my favorite piece has to be the novella "The Transformation of Martin Lake." This is the one that won the World Fantasy Award, beating out the likes of Lucius Shepard and Tanith Lee that year. Another favorite is "Dradin, In Love," which was a finalist for the prestigious Theodore Sturgeon Award. City of Saints and Madmen is indeed a collection, but if you are primarily a fan of novels, don't let that put you off. The four main pieces are quite long, and each is quite satisfying on its own. This is not just a collection of short stories, but rather more like a cycle of novellas, all set in the same world. Also, this kind of "literary" fantastical writing always brings up the "Is it genre fiction?" question, but I hope that you will find that Vandermeer transcends these concerns in the same way that Jonathan Carrol and Angela Carter do.
Finally, you have probably guessed that given this level of praise (bordering, no doubt, on hyperbole), I was a fan of Jeff Vandermeer's before the publication of this book. If you did, then you guessed right. I have been a fan for many years, and I keep waiting for the world to catch on to this great writer. As you will see from the introduction by Michael Moorcock and the words of praise by China Mieville, Norman Spinrad, Terri Windling, Brian Stableford, Thomas Ligotti, Paul Di Filippo, and Ed Bryant, I am not the only one. Enjoy.

0 of 0 people found the following review helpful.
Haunting
By Amazon Customer
Excellent book.

2 of 5 people found the following review helpful.
Excellent, but I wish it were longer
By Yanuly Sanson
Really enjoyed this book, Jeff has a wild and coherent imagination. Only wished the book contained the stories I later learned were only available on the extended edition.
I suppose in the end I'll end buying the other and give my copy to a friend who also appreciates good literature.

See all 78 customer reviews...

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Husband-Coached Childbirth (Fifth Edition): The Bradley Method of Natural Childbirth, by Robert A. Bradley, Marjie Hathaway, Jay Hathaway,

Now completely revised and updated for today's parents-to-be...

The book that started a revolution in the birthing experience and helped millions of women and their partners to a safe and natural childbirth.

The Bradley Method has changed the way men and women—and the medical establishment—think about childbirth today. Now this new, updated edition of the groundbreaking work by Robert A. Bradley, M.D., has all the information you need to approach a natural childbirth safely, confidently, and wisely. From the reasons to choose the Bradley Method to the steps you will take as your birth day approaches—and after the birth of your baby—this book is designed to help couples share completely in the birthing experience.

•Build better, deeper, and more trusting communication skills with your partner in preparation for a drug-free childbirth

•Learn the physical, emotional, and mental relaxation techniques essential to a natural childbirth

•Discover how you and your doctor can work together toward your natural delivery

•Monitor your weight, nutrition, and your overall well-being during pregnancy

•Use natural prevention methods for the most common pregnancy problems

•Get the most out of the bonding experience you will share with your baby and your partner

With its time-tested wisdom, medical soundness, and reassuring first-person accounts of natural childbirth, this book is the “gold standard” of childbirth books. The Bradley Method is an essential guide for anyone considering childbirth without unnecessary medications or medical intervention and to share fully in your child’s arrival into the world.

  • Sales Rank: #8875 in Books
  • Brand: Bradley, Robert A., M.D.
  • Published on: 2008-05-20
  • Released on: 2008-05-20
  • Original language: English
  • Number of items: 1
  • Dimensions: 8.30" h x .80" w x 5.20" l, .63 pounds
  • Binding: Paperback
  • 384 pages

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
Introduction


The administrator of Porter Memorial Hospital in Denver, Colorado, called our office one day in 1961. He had received a request from the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation for permission to film a documentary on husband-coached natural childbirth for presentation on their program, This Hour Has Seven Days.

Mrs. Merle Grosman, of Toronto, a natural-childbirth mother herself and a member of the Natural Childbirth Association at the time, had initiated the idea and written to ask if we had patients who would cooperate.

In discussing it with her, we decided to utilize a woman having her first baby. There is a misconception promoted by the unknowing that having a baby by natural childbirth might be possible after having had other babies, but not with the first!

Accordingly we contacted our due or overdue primigravidas (women experiencing their first pregnancies), and after Tom Koch, director, and his crew of cameramen arrived, these women were photographed with their husbands at class, doing prenatal exercises, etc., as participants in mental and physical preparation for childbirth. Then everyone waited patiently for one of them to go into labor.

The law of the perversity of nature in general and pregnant women in particular manifested itself in that we had had many births just before our Canadian visitors arrived, then had to wait a week before one went into labor. This served to illustrate again that babies cannot read calendars and that doctors cannot tell when labor will begin.

As an honorary life member of the Toronto Natural Childbirth Association I was very much honored to be chosen to illustrate the great principles involved. I was also embarrassed that it took so long before a patient went into labor. I was bound by medical principles not to interfere with the development of a baby by forcing or inducing labor for anyone’s convenience, so everyone waited.

Finally at midnight one night the phone rang, and Patricia and Gary Petersen announced they were on their way to the hospital. They were met at the hospital entrance by the somewhat sleepy but efficient TV camera crew of the CBC, who carefully followed the course of labor and birth with cameras and sound recorders. The visitors were intrigued and delighted by the calm self-assurance of these two young people who confidently went about the happy business of bearing a child as they had each been trained to do.

The husband had signed in for his wife while the nurse in attendance had performed the prep. He then joined his wife, to remain with her throughout labor and birth and share the requested privilege of walking back with her from the delivery room.

Their happy chatter as they strolled together in the early stages of labor would be rhythmically interrupted by uterine contractions. As her labor picked up in intensity they returned to the labor room and concentrated on their respective tasks. The old term “labor pains” just couldn’t properly be applied here, for the observers could see no evidence of pain. The husband busily cranked the bed flat, arranged an extra pillow under his wife’s raised knee as she turned on her side and assumed the “running” position of early first-stage labor that she had learned in class.

During the contractions the young mother would calmly lie curled up, peacefully close her eyes, and automatically relax all the muscles of her body. The young husband tenderly placed a guiding hand on his wife’s abdomen and directed her diaphragmatic breathing. He would also lean over and maintain a constant soft whispering in his wife’s ear during this interval.

The observing guests could not make out his words, but the endearing tone of his voice made apparent that the content was indeed the repetitious love “gobbledygook” with which she was so familiar. In prenatal classes the husbands are instructed to repeat verbally during contractions the intimate “love line” that was so effective in the moonlight originally and started the chain of events leading to the pregnancy.

When the muscle contractions of the uterus subsided, the chatter resumed, to be momentarily interrupted again as the uterus went about its work uninhibited. Between contractions he would rhythmically massage his wife’s low back “saddle” area, accompanied by murmurs of approval from her. Whenever a contraction occurred, the same calm pattern of relaxation, abdominal breathing, and love talk would be automatically repeated.

As time went on, the husband occasionally slipped ice chips into his wife’s mouth with a spoon to counter the drying effect of mouth breathing, which is part of total relaxation during contractions. The couple performed their respective tasks calmly, automatically, with light chatter between contractions. The observers from Toronto were impressed by the obvious fact that here were two people working happily together. Each knew, without being told, exactly what they were about.

As time went on, the interval between contractions gradually became shorter, the chatter accordingly gradually diminished, and the parents concentrated more and more on their respective tasks. Each said, when asked later, that they completely forgot about the presence of the observers; they were too busy.

The idea of some sort of medication being utilized in such an efficient, peaceful performance never occurred to the performers and seemed ludicrous to the observers. The close relationship between husband and wife, the total dependence upon each other, was heartwarming to see—that it truly “takes two to tango” was never more manifest. Again, the obvious ego-deflating question was put to me as the obstetrician: “Who needs a doctor for this?”

My occasional vaginal examinations to determine the dilatation of the cervix constituted rather rude interruptions that momentarily disrupted the smooth working pattern of the process. They obviously got along better when the doctor wasn’t around. I answered their question by stressing again that the doctor’s role is vital only when complications occur. Comparing birthing to swimming, the doctor is the lifeguard. Both swimming and birthing carry an irreducible minimal risk, and lifeguards and doctors are necessary, but only for complications. Good swimmers and good birthers need them to be present, but just in case problems arise.

As labor progressed, the parents became oblivious to everything and everyone as they carefully concentrated on the job at hand. This concentration was enhanced by the quiet, hushed “bedroom” atmosphere that is maintained in the labor rooms of this hospital. The importance of such an atmosphere is stressed as part of nurses’ training in a course on the principles of natural childbirth.

Labor is what the term implies, hard work, and although mothers are trained to deliberately relax all muscles during uterine contractions, the uterus is of sufficient size and power as a muscular organ to produce perspiration in the mother in the later stages of labor. The husband’s role included getting a cool washcloth and applying it tenderly to the perspiring brow of his wife. Such seemingly trivial acts reduce the tasks of nurses and direct the gratitude of a mother to the one she loves . . . her husband.

Between contractions, at the wife’s request, the husband would alter her position occasionally by adjusting the bed so that she was half- sitting, with two pillows under her arms. Again, the familiar talk and cooperation would be evident.

The labor progressed to the transition stage, and the husband gently encouraged the techniques associated with this stage, knowing the need for change. The young mother shortly announced the urge to push, ushering in the second stage of labor. After a short vaginal check to verify the complete opening of the cervix, the husband adjusted the pillows behind his wife’s shoulders and coached her in assuming the squatting position in the elevated bed. With the beginning of each contraction the mother would take two breaths and exhale them, waiting for the contraction to build in intensity.

This was followed by breath-holding and the expulsive pushing with contractions. After a few pushes in bed, the husband, doctor, and observers changed into scrub suits, caps, and masks while the attending nurses wheeled the mother to the nearby birth room.

The husband took his place at the head of the birth-room bed on what I call the “daddy stool,” which prior to natural childbirth was occupied by an anesthetist. He resumed his coaching and adjusted the supporting pillows during each contraction to fit the contours of his wife’s shoulders and back as she calmly held her breath, curled forward, and pulled her knees back under her armpits in the squatting position on the downward-tilted birth bed.

This position served to open wide the soft tissues of the birth canal to allow gradual descent of the infant. Because of the degree of additional exertion required of the mother in this stage, the husband utilized the cold, moist washcloth, not only to wipe away perspiration from her brow, but to have his wife bite on between contractions to maintain moisture on her lips, as he had been trained to do.

In this, the second stage, the infant had passed from the uterus into the vaginal canal, and the uterus now slowed down in the frequency of contractions with longer intervals between. This resulted in a return of the chatter between wife and husband. The observers were again impressed by the calm, peaceful attitude of the parents as they conversed between contractions about whether the baby would be a girl or a boy, and eagerly looked forward to knowing soon. The husband made an admiring comment on his wife’s ability to hold her breath during contractions.

As the baby passed into the world, announcing her arrival with a lusty yell, the mutual exclamations of delight, “It’s a girl!” by husband and wife, their shiny-eyed wonder at the miracle of this new life, and their mutual pride in accomplishment made a picture of wholesome togetherness bordering on ecstasy.

I then handed the infant to the mother to hold. This first real meeting with her child was accompanied by such a delighted, joyous expression on the mother’s face that the husband, ready with his camera, recorded this important moment as a permanent record for the baby book.

The umbilical cord was later clamped and cut while the mother was holding the baby. The baby was then put at the mother’s side for the first introduction to breast-feeding. The purpose of this from an obstetrician’s point of view was not primarily nourishment, but to activate the reflex that stimulates uterine contractions to separate the placenta and decrease bleeding from the placental site. This is a safety factor for the mother and baby.

Breast-feeding also provides nourishment and this first feeding of colostrum, which provides immunities for the baby to keep it safe in its new environment. The colostrum starts the production of vitamin K in the baby’s gut, building up to a peak at the eighth day and is important for blood clotting. Colostrum also acts as a laxative to get the baby passing meconium, which cleans the bowels out, reducing problems with jaundice. Having the baby at the breast, close and skin to skin, intensifies bonding between mother, father, and baby.

During this period of handling and nursing the child, husband and wife literally had their heads together. Their constant “parent talk” to the baby, calling her by name—Kirsten Lynn—and expressions of delight to each other were accompanied by intimate indications of mutual love, which made all the attendants feel like intruders.

The parents were playing with the baby, absorbed in counting fingers and toes, commenting on whose hair color it inherited, and so forth.

Each parent was then given a celebratory glass of iced orange juice— for the mother to replenish blood sugar, depleted from its utilization by the uterus, and to correct the drying effect of mouth breathing during labor. Orange juice also helps replace fluids lost during the birth process and provides sodium for fluid balance and potassium to prevent dizziness. The father is also given a glass of orange juice as a token of appreciation for his important participation and to maintain the great principle of sharing all aspects of this beautiful experience with his wife.

We joyfully refer to the orange juice as refreshment served at the original birthday party—which is the best of all birthday parties; the others are just pale substitutes for the real thing. Besides, only naturally born babies can accurately celebrate true “birthdays,” the others are more appropriately celebrating “delivery days”!

The mother then expressed the desire to walk back from the birth room. She was given her robe and slippers, and with the baby in one arm, a glass of orange juice in the other hand, and a beaming, proud husband alongside, she strolled happily out the door and down the hall —mission accomplished. A helpful nurse, using the husband’s camera, took a final picture of this new family group.

Since 1917 as a natural baby myself, observing animals on the farm and as a teacher of natural childbirth, I have seen this happy series of events repeated thousands of times. To our visitors from Toronto it was a new and never-to-be-forgotten experience.

I was delighted to have our busy office hours interrupted a few hours later by the director and photographers, who stopped by to express their admiration and praise of the method, and their gratitude for the privilege of witnessing the birth. Most significant to me was that they had sent flowers to the new mother and were passing cigars around as enthusiastically as if each were the father of the baby! The spirit of joy and pride in accomplishment of a natural birth is indeed contagious.

Most helpful customer reviews

0 of 0 people found the following review helpful.
Lengthy, repetitive, but well worth it.
By Joshua and Amanda Rodenbeck
My hubby and I are expecting our first and are signed up for the Bradely birthing classes in collaboration to reading this book. the chapters are laid out in a thoughtful and organized way, and have several subtitles within each chapter to help keep focused and good for taking breaks as the chapters can get long. We thought that this book was absolutely helpful and maybe even necessary to fully grasp the concept of Bradely birthing methods. Though it is a great supplement to the class and gives more details than what we get out of class, Robert Bradely does get pretty repetitive. Overall, we would recommend this to anyone looking to have a natural childbirth.

2 of 2 people found the following review helpful.
Antiquated. Analogies women to farm animals. Outdated and ...
By Political Enthusiast
Antiquated. Analogies women to farm animals. Outdated and not helpful.

0 of 0 people found the following review helpful.
Two Stars
By Amazon Customer
a lot of BASIC info. It does not really explain ways to help the mom during ACTIVE labor.

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